Knowing and continuing to explore this once secret striving for busyness is liberating. Each moment of only doing and not being present is a moment of my life lost to me. I busy myself to the point of a doing machine, blocking me from being a human being. The long-term effects of the busy approach are not so beneficial. In the short-term, the busy approach has had benefits serving me well in the eyes of others with praise, promotion, and more work. I am lucky enough to choose my area of work and I have derived much of my identity from what I do as teacher, organizer, and leader. Committing and overcommitting to others and tasks seem to be my norm. I love the rush and excitement of being fully engaged to the point of being overwhelmed. When she bought a new car, the bumper sticker disappeared from the parking lot, and my brief revelry as I walked into work was over.
I loved this bumper sticker and would say “yeah” to myself when I would walk by her car. It contained the word “busy” circled with a slash through it. On these walks, I used to see a bumper sticker on the car of a dear colleague. A walk that I extend by parking a distance from my building to “add” steps to my day. In truth, I do not nap very often and I spend more time walking in a parking lot from my car to my office.
#SOUNDS TRUE MBSR FULL#
I am surprised by my choices because I have espoused a life of non-doing full of afternoon naps and walks in the woods for no particular reason except to walk in the woods. This truism about my life is both surprising and yet fully supported by the environment and culture I have chosen. When I step back and examine my life, I can see myself pursuing tasks and making commitments that exceed my available time and resources.
I claim to seek a life of balance, however, I seem to prefer a life of busyness.
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